Wife said, “it’s not as hard to run in a thong as I thought it would be.” I said, “I know, right?”
I wonder if my wife would cry if she found out that she could never fill the hole dennis richmond left in my life. Well maybe she should.
i keep a wacom by my screen at all times, in case someone wants to ask me about the latest amazing clip of video that’s scrubbing behind me.
To My Dear Younger Daughter
weselec: I’m not an old man, but I have lived my day. And experience has taught me a number of things. But today the lesson I am here to pass on is a simple one. Relax. Be lazy. Do what you love, and take the time to do it well, but do it only when you find joy in it. Do what you must, and take the time to do it well, but do it only when it serves the cause. Remember that your wellness, mental...
I think these would be much more emotional if twitter would ask: “What did you ever do?”
Counter-Counter theory: the people who get dicks drawn on their garage are the same fuckers that ruined usenet.
The Great Asleepening is upon us: http://www.salon.com/mwt/broadsheet/
I can’t help but feel partially responsible for all this trouble i’ve caused.
Favorite band just turned 18! Let the xxx teen shaved sonic adventures BEGIN.
the passionate fellatio I’m giving to this soda doesn’t bother my wife half as much as it being a Diet 7-Up.
if my dog were in this meeting, he would’ve jumped up, farted, and put your head in his mouth after 10 minutes. I waited 15.
i’ve always assumed microsoft would lay off staff by making them stare at the dark crystal and then drinking their essence.
me: “I hope this hides the garlic smell.” him: “Why? What have you been eating?”
i’ve watched it twice now: Bono was definitely telling Joe Biden he wanted to fight him.
Her: You know, you can always just ... flip the mattress.
Me: Yeah, sure, but you can only do that twice.
Her: Once actually. Only once.