i’m trying desperately to find the punchline somewhere on this site: http://www.cyclonedairy.com/
Me: nothing sexier than a pregnant stripper. Wife: well, maybe a really young pregnant stripper.
pff, i’m not crying. i just have some tears caught in my eye.
My doctor just flagged my Awesome Differential as High on my Lipid panel. I’m keeping him.
Man I love coming home to find our house cleaner than we left it. We live you KJ and Diane! - http://bkite.com/05NwT
Pro Tip: New York cabbies dont take their tips in spankings like San Francisco cabbies do. #hardwonwisdoms
Stopped snowing. - http://bkite.com/05I0x
Um, I have seen the face of suffering, and it was hung on every person heading to the PATH train to jersey.
Goodnight NYC. My one regret is that I have no more worlds to conquer.
The creepy Overstock ad where woman buys necklace on web and then it magically tightens around her neck? I’m like that. #thingsialwayssay
Jesus Trenton, New Jersey. Clean yourself up, you’re a mess.
I’ve seen the face of delicious seduction, and it’s name is Capriotti’s. #umsubsbitches
Yes, East Coast. It’s Me. Deal with it.
Jesus. I just went for a 20 minute run and crossed 3 state lines. #delawarefabulous
I don’t see what the big deal is. I’ve had multi-touch, gesture-aware equipment since puberty.
my dog’s eyes are so expressive. which is how i know he knows it’s wrong to try to put his peepee on my face when i watch tv on the floor.
no matter how bad things get out there i try to always remember that you’re all in this together.
gross, this place smells like moderately safe search is off.
Dear Esurance, Regarding your recent switch from hold music to sounds of fat men breathing: Well played. Inexplicably still a customer, Me.
“awh don’t worry, not everyone has good jokes baby.” - my wife, circa 1:00 this afternoon
scratch dogs tummy, growl sounds like “i love you” then i stop and it sounds like “get back here and finish something for once in your life”
D.B. Cooper Bag Co. only has one shipping option. It doesn’t look promising. #dbcooperbagco
whoops, almost gave a shit about my work. yikes!
“America’s Next Top Model Marathon, again?” “Here, you can change it.” … you win this round, Wife.
While I would never call your daughter ugly, sir, I would posit that she is rather undelicious to the eyes.