actual SMS chat with my real estate agent 3 hours...
Me: Why can't you send me all the forms to sign at once? this is like walking into a dealership to buy half-million-dollar car and finding no chairs, no water cooler. very unprofessional.
Agent: Listen mister I'll get you a glass of water and a achair when I'm damn good and ready!
Me: Hey, don't mind me, I'm just going into hock for the next 30 years over here
Agent: Wow you get crabby when you spend money...
Me: I make up for it when I spend other people's money. Trust me, you want to be wherever that's happening
Agent: I'm there man.
Agent: Alright just sent it off so I'll wait to hear!! Sleep tight and don't let the thought of the 30 years of debt keep you awake...
Me: Hey, thanks for everything. Unless we don't get it. In which case, you know, thanks for nothing.
Agent: See how fun my job is?
Agent: You're mad when I make you spend all your money and mad when you can't spend it.
Me: I'm just saying: if you've been waiting for our permission to show this joker your Kung-fu, you have our blessing.
Agent: Thanks. I've been waiting for that. I'm off to kick some ass now
Me: It's not enough to *see* your power. He's gonna have to *feel* it.
Agent: That is precisely what I was thinking. Oh and he'll feel it alright.
Me: See face. Insert pain.